Rathkeltair performing Pretty Too. Another song written by Trevor Tanner and originally recorded by Celtic Soul.

What Do I Do Now

I don’t know what to do now that you are gone. For these past 4 years you were my best friend. You were the one constant, always there, somewhere, just within my reach. You understood and comforted me when I lost my way when my dad died. When I needed it, you were the one that would “hold” me in the best way that you could, and I tried to do the same for you. When we were lonely, it was with each other that we chased those demons away. We bared our souls and never were judged by the other. You broke my walls and I trusted you with everything. You forgave me a 1000 times and never remembered you were ever mad. You lifted my heart whenever we came together and I could hold nothing back from you. You know the deepest parts of my soul and you understood me.

And now you’re not lonely anymore, but I still am, even more so because of the loss I feel. And the person I always turned to isn’t there anymore. When I can’t sleep or wake up with my heart beating and the panic starting because I’ll never know if you’re ok, I won’t have anyone to talk with or write to, to calm me. I feel like something is missing and sad because if no one else cared, I thought you did. And now I can't think that anymore. I will put you away inside my heart where I will hold your memory but can never quite look at it too closely or I will feel the loss all over again.

Happy 50^th Birthday to me, my dog got hit by a truck today. Like you said life’s messy.

Turning 50

You know, I try really hard not to think negatively about turning 50. I really try not to think about it at all...then I open my mail and what do I receive...A membership card to AARP!

What's next, an invitation to come to the air conditioned Senior Centers on ozone action days??? I wonder if I'll get a Golden Buckeye card to get 10 % discounts off at restaurants...hmmm, that's something to think about.

To keep my spirits up, this video is hysterical, it's the Bollywood version of Thriller

Lesson For Today...Love

"In an age where so much of life is based on feelings, it seems that we've begun to lose the true essence of what love means. Once love meant a decision; when you loved someone you loved them forever. Today however, the overwhelming feelings of emotion dictate our decision to "love". But, on the other hand, if the fascinating affection we once felt begins to die we determine that we no longer "love" that person, and then. most sadly, we often give up and walk away. Love has evolved."

-Joel Smallbone

I found this quote and it clarified something for me. I realized that maybe I am not an anomaly. I had started to think I was somehow different because when I love someone, I love them...always, but no one else seemed to feel that way. Relationships are jumped into and out of. No one sticks it out anymore, things get rough, they leave. They hit a bump in the road, they are out. Unfortunately, like that quote says, love has evolved. Sadly it has now evolved to the point where when someone wants to shuck the old life, they murder their spouse, and/or their children. Among other things, these people are too stupid to see that that is not an effective method of change because the change they eventually get is prison or death.

I'm not saying some relationships aren't better off ending, but those aren't based on real love. In those relationships what the parties assumed was love was probably infatuation...which is fleeting; lust...fleeting; emotion...fleeting; the desire or need for love....misguided and desperate; or dysfunction...painful and dangerous.

If people took the time to develop and explore the relationship and a friendship with the other person instead of falling into lust or infatuation...then decide this is a person I love, how much happier would we all be. How much more fulfilled we would all feel and our lives would be so much better. Sex is immediate gratification, making love is a spiritual experience. My father at the end of his life still reached for my mother's hand after 59 years of marriage. He didn't have to look backward and see a string of broken relationships, broken hearts, damaged children. He had his best friend and lover at his side. We all could be so lucky if we slowed down and got to know the person before we make the decision to entrust them with our heart. And once we do, remake that decision every day.

I know this conversation is a little heavy for a Saturday morning, and I'm not trying to sound preachy...but when our moments of clarity come...

Letter From God

I Love Jason Mraz

I think this is my favorite song of his. I put on my earphone and get lost in this song...

Waiting For the Shit To Drop

As I previously mentioned, this is a sea gull that perches over my head at the pier, while I wait for the perfectly poised bomber to let all loose