I Don't Really Have Anything To Say

Life is status quo and I have nothing to say. I have been reading other blogs and two things sparked thoughts in my mind.

First, on a blog, it said "If you hate seeing a heart break, did you look the other way when you broke mine?" That reminded me something my husband said to me "I don't want to hurt you", so instead of changing the behavior that was hurting me, he left...which hurt most of all because he didn't love me enough to stay and work things out.

Then on another blog someone was talking about their dreams. And I realized I haven't dreamt in a while. I usually am a vivid dreamer. Probably because I have an awful time sleeping, so I remember them more because I don't spend as much time in REM, but lately I haven't been dreaming. Actually, we all dream all the time, but I haven't been remembering them. Maybe I am getting more deep sleep than I used to. That may be from daily exercising. I have mixed feelings about not remembering my dreams. My dreams have tortured me, especially when they are about my husband, because they always leave me sad...I would wake thinking, Oh I have to call him, then realize I can't. Even 24 years since he died, I would still dream about him. But on the other hand, I miss some of my dreams. They can be funny or it can just be fun trying to figure them out. I believe our dreams are the way we work things out, I don't give them any special or spiritual meaning. Although one time I did have this very strange and prophetic dream that was healing emotionally, but I will save that for another day.

And one other thing I would like to say. I have found that when I relate in type, I use the word "just" a lot...and this irritates me. I also tend to wind down a post with a sentence beginning with "So". This also irritates me.

So I will just have to work on not doing that.